Just a little something i have wrote, not finished yet, your opinion would be appreciated?

This reads like the beginning of a story. You have potential but your punctuation is not good and things are misspelled. Your sentence structure, syntax, suffers at times. You should get a copy of "The Handbook of English Grammar" published by Little Brown. In any college bookstore if you ask for the Little Brown Handbook they know what it is. It's around $30. In my first year of college I learned more from this book than all the previous years combined. Sorry to be so blunt but, like I said, you have potential but you need to get the grammar down right. Best of luck to you, just spend some time with the book and it will open a whole new world.